Question by woahhhh !: Am i driving myself insane?
PLEASE READ.
I’m 16 and a girl. My uncle has a “small” case of Schizophrenia.
I live in a upper middle class family in orange county. I don’t have any money/school/family issues.
I have had this fear that I’m becoming schizophrenic for about six months now,and its just growing worse and worse. I know that theres a phobia and it could just be OCD. and that real schizophrenics are not aware that they are becoming schizophrenic. But I’m terrified. I feel like I’m driving myself insane. I used Marijuana a few times last year (maybe 30), the last time i used it was four months ago. I have also used ecstasy (about 25 pills) last year, last time was last November. Ive used things like Xanax and Vicodin but mostly for sleeping and only a few times. I also used “magic” mushrooms about 3 months ago and i had a very good and spiritual experience. I recall trying to dig into my brain during the trip and trying to see if i will or have this disease. I failed and i was really happy and enlightened and i continued to have a good time . Ever since then i have been off drugs completely, trying to focus on school and my future. But I feel like i am having a harder time trying to remember things, or trying to focus, like ill be reading a question and ill have to read it 3 times to fully understand what its saying. I am ALWAYS paranoid, not of being killed or something dumb like that but i used to be the most paranoid person around my friends when it came to police or getting caught. I’m also terrified of the dark and just being alone freaks me out. I feel like I’m going to hallucinate when i am alone. I never have but I’m terrified of it happening. I do feel like i see things in the back of my eye sometimes, and when i stare at something it will start to shake, but i know that is because of ecstasy abuse (which i regret deeply). Lately I’ve been questioning “reality” ill see something weird and wonder, “was it really there? or did i just see it” I don’t know if this is what i really think is happening or if it is because I’m driving myself to think it. I’m also very shy, I’m great near my close friends and not shy at all. But when it comes to new people i don’t know what to do or how to act. I used to be very outgoing. Also i always stop liking a guy right when they like me back, i don’t know if that has anything to do with it but i become disgusted with them, thinking things like “what does he see in me”, “what does he want” and i usually completely stop talking to them and act like nothing happened between us.
I am very insecure about my nose so right now I am blaming my insecurities on it because i am getting it done and fixed this summer. I’m hoping that I will go back to normal when I start feeling better about myself, which i never seem to be anymore.
PLEASE HELP
what should i do?
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