Question by Robin L: My mind is getting messed up because of my situation?
I married a guy who turned out to be very controlling, we had a child together, I try to explain how much he’s hurting our child by the way he acts but part of his control thing is he’s in the groove of controlling ME by shutting me out okay this has been going on since I was pregnant with our son, our son is 10 now. By controlling our son I mean: I stay at home and have no friends or family, I have a Master’s degree in special education from University of Texas but had to stop working because the abuse at home and the demands of the job became impossible to juggle (going to work after fighting for my life all night is a good example as he’d try to kill me) and because we had a son who’d be without any lifeline I quit my job (he’s rejected by his dad’s family because they’re drug addicts, my family situation is complicated, I have a mother who is bipolar and that’s all the family I have). I have no friends, I grew up in Massachusetts until I was 12 and then my parents had a custody war every 3 months I went from my mom to my dad; they travelled for their jobs so every 3 months I lived in a different state; I was an only child; I made no friends; I don’t live in Massachusetts now, I live in Texas; my son is suffering, I’m suffering; I have few life experiences due to literally growing up on an airplane, a car and a bu plus my parents were very busy and therefore not available I had no nanny or person who questioned anything; my son is a very violent person like his dad so I feel held hostage, we live a 15 mile walk from the nearest anything; last time I tried to escape I was arrested for prostitution and possession (they planted drugs on me, I have no drug involvement myself) and spent 2 years in jail took a plea so I could get out and be with my son, but when I got out I discovered his dad remarried and a lady adopted my son after awhile; I had a place to go when I got let out but my hubby picked me up on release and drove me from downtown Houston to an apartment in La Marque which has no metro system and I know no one. I got convicted of both crimes because as I stated, I took a plea to get out even though all I was doing was escaping. I had zero prior arrests, zero. I was trying to walk to a phone to get a ride to a shelter downtown Houston. You can get arrested for anything in Texas. If I hitchhiked I’d be picked up for hitchhiking. If I went to a person’s house and asked for a ride I’d be arrested for trespassing, and maybe kidnapping depending on the mood of the person. This might not be universally true, but it’s been true in my experience. I meet people and try to make friends with them then they disappear, people in Texas I’ve found don’t even tell me their real names (maybe they don’t have real names, maybe that’s a little game they play here??) If I go back to Massachusetts, I’ll have a lot of obstacles to overcome such as I’ve been out of the scene for 30 years and I’ll have to leave my son with a drug addicted guy with a million names who I discovered has no education and makes up fake resumes to get jobs this is why he acts freaked out at home it’s the stress I have no idea where all the money goes there are 3 strange women living in 1 of the rooms in this house they lock themselves in he gives them money bought them cars, he is bisexual but mostly gay because we never get it together, he has boyfriends if I leave this house to walk to a church for help I’ll be arrested for solicitation of prostitution again, sometimes he locks me out, we’re divorced, I went to a shelter once and I hate to answer questions because it’s stupid take one look at me and if you can’t tell what I’m about then ??????? I have perfect teeth (6 years of braces) no track marks on my arms, blonde/blue, conservative appearance yet you have to fill out paperwork for 6 hours. If I leave and start talking to people it always comes down to sooner or later they ask me for money and it’s just a conversation, why do I need to pay somebody for that so we get in a fight and they end up trying to kill me or they just call the police on me. My mother leaves voice mails telling me she’s sleeping with my ex and any man I try to get she’s going to F___ them better and steal them from me. My Dad when he was alive said very little except don’t watch fiction or read fiction; don’t eat any meat. That was the only things my dad ever said to me other than to tell me what a huge embarrassment I was. I want to stay in Texas but it’s hard to be me in Texas because a typical conversation with a resident is hi, my name’s Robin and they either walk away and lock the door or ask me for drugs or money (Texas icebreaker?) I’ve been to parties but nobody talks (Espanol? Deutch??) and I don’t eat meat so it’s a loooooong aggravating time, all the men and named Bubba they’re 30 year
I guess my point is I live with a guy who likes to have me arrested all the time and is controlling and not respectful and moody or schizo, not sure which, my needs and wants are ignored. If I leave here I have to walk 15 miles to the closest shelter. In my mind I see Massachusetts but I’m in Texas. I have no money. My son, I love him but he sucker punches me too much and knocks me out and takes my valuables. 1 day the guy I live with is quiet, then he’s gone for a month, then he has me arrested, then I spend a year in jail, clearly okay he doesn’t like me so why does he pick me up when I’m released from jail and force me to be around him when I’m downtown I can walk to a shelter when I’m in his neighborhood I can’t do that.    Read more...